For those 42-55 with world imploding from infidelity, divorce, loss, panic, crisis
Master the Matrix
How to Experience the Relief and Freedom of a Natural Love
Training in the Love Stacking Matrix
How many of these are you?
- Wonder if you were ever love again?
- Painful memories.
- Your body and soul feels the stress of lost love.
- You feel betrayed lost and confused.
- You look to the future with uncertainty, if not dread.
- You wonder if you have it anymore?
- You are tired, exhausted and tried everything.
Allow me to introduced you to, future you. Things are about to become so much clearer and easier.
And you need not spend months navel gazing to get there.
- You feel your fear and anxiety fading.
- You know exactly what makes it happen again and again.
- You begin to feel alive.
- You find your voice and speak it with power and kindness.
- The painful memories lose their power.
- You are no longer afraid of the triggers but welcome them.
- It all makes sense now.
- You know the deep meaning and power of forgiveness and experience it.
- You know your best years are ahead.
- You relax in your fearlessness.
The Curse of Pre 42
Pre 42 is usually filled with hopes, dreams and expectations. Everything lies ahead and you cannot wait to get there.
It’s also a time filled with stress and tension, often buried beneath the hope and expectations and “getting there.”
The stress and tension reside in unspoken assumptions (toxic) about self, love, marriage and relationships.
Toxic Assumption
Someone or something out there holds the key to my happiness. This is the Cinderella complex. I must have him/her. My life is complete when s/he is next to me. The stress: him/her leaving (abandoning) me is the end of my world. I’m always on guard.
Toxic Assumption
I’m inadequate. I’m defective. Something is wrong with me. I must be unloveable. Who would want me? Stress: A part of me shrinks in terror as I think of that inadequacy being exposed.
Toxic Assumption
I must earn love (or anything.) I must act and look perfect. I need to be a trophy or I must fill my trophy case. I crave achievement and laurels. Stress: What if I fail?
Take a moment. Do any of these resonate with you? Often someone is attracted to someone who balances the assumption. Cinderella marries the prince. The wounded one marries the caretaker. The trophy marries the one with the trophy case.
(FYI) Please know these are generalities. You probably have traits that fit one or two of these assumptions. Your task in the next 6 months is to pinpoint your channel of toxic assumption, so it might be transformed. The more specific you become, the more lasting and powerful is the transformation.
You are on Autopilot
According to current research, the human brain can process around 11 million bits of information per second; however, our conscious minds can only actively process about 40 to 50 bits of information per second.
These toxic assumptions are part of the 11 million bits.
You can say that much (maybe 97%) of your decisions, thoughts and feelings are on autopilot. Toxic thoughts and feelings, exacerbated by trauma and reinforced by culture are passed down from generation to generations – beyond your awareness.
You feel the stress. A part of you intuitive knows something has been “off.” Tis not true, as you look back?
And, maybe along the way you tried to get help.
Help Falls Short
The professional community (of which I was and am a part) has failed to a large degree since it’s efforts to “help” carry along with them the same toxic assumptions.
Basically, you are encouraged to do better that which hasn’t worked in the first place.
Think about this:
Assumption
You are encouraged to “work on the marriage.” You are encouraged to get the two of you into counseling. The underlying theme is to move toward getting “closer” – sharing more, doing more, date nights, meet needs, romantic get aways – always with an eye on the other.
Assumption
If you struggle with feelings of inadequacy, therapy is recommended. You see a therapist and are given a diagnosis, i.e. borderline personality, depressive mood, adjustment disorder or one of dozens more. These diagnosis confirm, indeed, that you are defective. And, insurance will only pay with such a pathological diagnosis.
Assumption
You are a trophy chaser and bump into what for you is anathema – failure, or the trophy gets old and tarnished. You are encouraged to try harder, learn new skills, get a new trophy, go on an improvement kick or, as the Nike commercial suggests, “Just Do It.”
The professional community as well as the general self help community offers “treatment of symptoms” but knows little of healing.
Pre 42 is a stress induced downward spiral. You can’t avoid it. It just is.
You Hit the Wall
And if you are fortunate, you hit the wall. Your world implodes: perhaps divorce, failure, infidelity, illness, a depressed state, whatever fits best your worst pre-42 assumptions and efforts. Your body, mind, soul and relationship(s) just can’t take it anymore.
It’s Now or Never
You can’t run. You can’t do what you typically did to prolong the inevitable.
The inevitable is now here. It eyeballs you. It stares you down.
Your choice
I was riding with my 6 year old, rather insightful and reflective granddaughter. She looked at me and said, “Pa, why are old people so grumpy?
I worked with a 60 year old woman who raged at her husband (who had emotionally checked out) about his affair – 35 years ago!! Sad.
Pivot Point
Your pain, your broken world offers a Pivot Point.
You’ve had Pivot Points before but the discomfort was not strong enough to move you. Or you just were’t ready – for a variety of reasons.
Now, you are offered a HUGE Pivot Point.
You CAN close your heart mind and soul and continue the downward spiral, and become that grumpy old person living emotionally isolated and miserable.
Or, you can use the pain, hurt and fears as a jumping off point for healing and moving to the 2nd half of life, stacking one loving experience upon another.
If you are so out of control, on auto pilot, and the hurt and pain run so deep, how can you say YES to the Pivot Point and heal?
My Midlife Dilemma
In midlife I discovered my wife’s affair.
I (we) went the conventional route: saw 4 therapists individually and together.
I spent 6 months reading, studying and writing (the first E-book on infidelity was the outcome.)
After a year or so, I felt calmer and had clarity on what happened, but there was something missing.
I wanted and needed a deep cleanse and healing – from the images, self deprecating thoughts and fears about the future.
Fortunately I had previous training in EMDR, NLP and it’s trance induction techniques. I also was a student of meditation, all of which, provided input regarding this thing called the unconscious.
So, I went on a decade long bender of developing a process that everyone could take with them (not dependent on a therapist, guru, etc.) to bring about healing and change when needed.
The Matrix
I developed a step by step process I call the Love Stacking Matrix.
The Matrix generates healing at a profound level.
The steps of the Matrix lead to the Pivot Point.
What is the Pivot Point?
The Matrix asks you to give up all that you deemed important, but in reality was a barrier to healing, well being and ultimately a Natural, Easy and Spontaneous Love.
Giving up creates an emotional vacuum. Into this vacuum rushes a deep sense of relief and freedom. (ALL of the people who worked through the Matrix and reached the Pivot Point expressed this tremendous feeling of relief and some described it as freedom. That all experienced the same result is incredible!)
The body relaxes. The mind stops racing and obsessing on the negative. Breathing is slow and deep. Nothing is missing. Nothing is lacking. Nothing is grieved. Nothing is feared. The Pivot Point, in reality, contains the existence of a new person.
This Pivot Point is your new start. It is the beginning of that transition. The downward spiral is reversed. You are on a new path. You now know the way and your EXPERIENCE leads you forward.
You break from all that was futile. You break from the illusions of self, love, marriage and relationships. You no longer need to struggle, fight and merely survive.
The Pivot Point is much more than most think of as “expressing your feelings…getting it all out.” The Pivot Point contains no “angry” feelings; no “sad” feelings, no “hurt” feelings. No guilt. No remorse. No self deprecation. The Pivot Point is not the home of catharsis or self pity.
The pivot point is a baseline for healing, which in essence, IS love. From this relief and freedom, or within this relief and freedom, IS love. This is your EXPERIENCE of love. You now know the essence of a Natural, Easy and Spontaneous Love.
The Problem
The relief and freedom of the Pivot Point doesn’t last.
A part of you will fight with all its might against this experience.
This part wants to take you back to the familiarity of the illusions and toxic assumptions.
Your friends, family and world will expect you to be the “old you.” They could count on you to fit into their perception of who you needed to be to accommodate their illusions and toxic assumptions.
As well, you defined yourself according to what was. At least it was something. And, this part is not sure about what this new thing, this new you, will be.
You will feel the relief and freedom and then go.. But…..and back you will go.
There is more
Note above that you receive access to the Infidelity Recovery Center and the (Re)Building Members Course.
Over the years I’ve identified 4 levels most travel in their journey from the pain of non love to healing and a Natural, Easy and Spontaneous Love.
Level 1
How to Achieve Immediate Success
You need immediate success. No more swirling. No more dead ends. No more disappointments and frustration. No more downward spiral.
You will learn specific behaviors to change to get the results you truly want.
The Infidelity Recovery Center and (Re)Building Membership have specific courses for this level that help you pinpoint the behaviors you can implement to change the rules of your relationship and get immediate (often within 48 hours) results.
Level 2
How to Achieve Calm and Clarity
You get nowhere being a raging bull in a china shop or frozen fearful doormat. You need to slow your heart rate down, unclench your teeth and take a deep breath. Easier said than done when it seems like your world is imploding or forever gone.
Calm and clarity emerge as you recalibrate your thinking (from the toxic assumptions you were taught) or fill your mind with accurate information. (You know more about how your cell phone works than how relationships work.)
Again, the Infidelity Recovery Center and (Re)Building Membership have specific courses designed to first give you new information about how love, marriage and relationships really work, and secondly will help you “reframe” the toxic assumptions which keep you stuck and in non-love.
Level 3
helps you break through stubborn barriers and walls, beyond your present awareness. This is where personal coaching is vital. The first 4 half hour sessions are included in the intensive.
This is your opportunity.
You will have a foundation for healing and a Natural, Easy and Spontaneous Love that will dramatically shift the flow of your life and relationships.
You will take this foundation with you.
It will be forever you.
The Best,
Bob
